Thermostat Wars
Recently here in Georgia we experienced all four seasons in a single week: warm and sunny followed by thunderstorms and tornadoes followed by snow, fog, more sun and then rainy and humid. We never know how to dress, much less how to set our thermostat, which in most homes is already a point of contention, as the thermostat determines how comfortable we are in our homes. Recently, a Relay Exchange mom shared with me advice her own mother gave her: remember to be the thermostat in your household, rather than the thermometer.
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.”
1 Peter 3:3-6 NLT
Peter is instructing us to clothe ourselves with the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit (and possibly a warm fleece if you are in the middle of a thermostat war!). At first glance, these verses can appear puzzling and frankly, not very encouraging. However, these instructions are actually a guide to (1) freedom and (2) strength.
In this passage Peter is making two points directed to wives. First, do not be so concerned about outward appearances. Rather than a reprimand to women for being concerned about looks or clothing, Peter is instead opening the door to freedom from being overly wrapped up in appearances. There is bondage in over worrying too much about how we look or how we dress or how well we are adorned. Peter isn’t saying don’t be concerned at all about appearance, he is explicitly calling out fancy hairstyles and expensive jewelry—implying it’s the extra we shouldn’t be so consumed with. Peter doesn't want wives to be distracted or consumed with concern over outward appearances. And why not? This is his next point: because we have an extremely valuable role to fill and cannot afford the distraction. Our role is so much bigger than our outward appearances and our value far exceeds external adornment.
In verse 4, Peter says we should instead clothe ourselves with the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. What is a gentle and quiet spirit? A woman with a gentle and quiet spirit is a rock. She is not moved by her circumstances because she has placed her faith in Jesus and knows He controls all circumstances. She doesn’t waver because her strength comes from the Holy Spirit. She is a rock because ultimately, she trusts God, not herself, her looks, her money or her station in life. She doesn’t worry when changeable things change because her faith is in the unchanging God of the universe. She chooses daily where she places her faith and fills up regularly at the source of all love and strength. She is gentle because she doesn’t have to aggressively look out for herself, having decided to trust that God has her best in mind in all situations. She is quiet because she is steady and controlled by the power of the Holy Spirit, and not her own plans and desires for herself and her family. This woman is a force.
And do you know what such a force does in her own home? She sets the tone. She is not the spiritual leader, but as that wise mom knew and advised my friend, she is the thermostat for her family. She doesn’t let circumstances determine her mood and her outlook. Rather, she sets her mood and outlook by her faith in God and therefore sets the tone for her entire family. We know this is true (in the South, you may have heard that “if momma ain’t happy then ain’t nobody happy”). Grammar difficulties aside, this is truth. We set the mood. We set the tone. We set the example. Our kids follow. We need to be thermostats in our home, setting the tone for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control. And we can do that—not perfectly of course—but everyday we can reset and do a little better than the day before. Best of all, we can know God will be there for us in this, because this issue is precious to Him, and so are we.